The sabbatical elections have been derailed following an unexpected malfunction of the university's computer. The lack of a computer means that elections will not be able to continue.
The university purchased its computer on an installment plan in 1991 and has only recently finished payments. This means, however, that the policy that would have allowed the computer to be quickly repaired has expired, meaning that as of now there is no computer on campus and therefore the vote cannot progress.
When asked what might be done to correct this error, a fat man with a diploma in Windows 95, whom the university employs as a 'computer expert' for some reason known only to the shady, caped rulers of this campus, said: "Well, it's all Greek to me. Could ye not use pen and paper like ordinary people? Kids today and their feckin' computers."
The Students' Union has said that the elections will not be too badly affected, however. Three candidates voted this morning and two more this afternoon. A record turnout. The remaining voter will be allowed to cast her ballot in writing using a hastily prepared ballot.
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