Monday, 19 March 2012

Daly to bestow rings of power on successful sabbat candidates

Outgoing ULSU President Derek Daly has pledged to bestow three rings of power on the successful sabbatical candidates following the elections this week. The mysterious rings have long been thought to be the source of Daly's awesome powers. 


"It is time to pass on these powerful talismans to a new generation," Daly said, "For many aeons my people have guarded the secret of the rings closely but now it is time for me, as the last of my kind, to bestow their great power on the next generation of sabbatical officers."

Derek Daly (his human name) arrived on Earth riding on the back of a crystalline meteorite that landed just outside Plassey House some time in late 1960s. After several years of experimentation in US government laboratories, Daly returned to UL to take up his rightful place as SU President and Keeper of the Rings of Power. But as his term as president draws to a close, Daly has chosen now to relinquish the rings.

Among the powers thought to originate from the rings is Daly's incredible gift of voter mesmerism, as well as his uncanny ability to avoid things sticking to him. It is also believed that the rings ward off dark wizards, though the presence of Klothos the Contemptible in the Education election would seem to contradict this.

When asked about the dangers of allowing the rings to fall into the wrong hands, Daly said: "UL students are smart enough to know not to vote for terrible candidates. After all, last year they voted for me and Paddy Rockett. What are the chances they'd vote for someone who is an obvious moron or dark wizard?"

Said Klothos: "Finally I will have access to the rings! With them in my possession, all will kneel before me! All will kneel!" The Adam Moursy campaign expressed similar sentiments.

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