Welfare candidate Cathal Ronan has proposed that unhappy students can be cured of their ill feelings through a combination of endorphin shots and chicken. Ronan, who has been jogging around campus continuously for the last 16 months in the build up to the campaign, took a few minutes off to answer questions on ULFM.
"We all know what happens when people are sad, just look at North Korea. I suggest requiring all students who look a bit down should be given shots of endorphin, directly into the heart, to cheer them up. We can get endorphins from the on campus chemical labs, no bother."
Ronan went on to say that the lack of whole chickens in the SU shop is contributing to the lack of a fun atmosphere on campus: "What animal can you think of that is more fun than chicken? Chicken is the most fun animal on this planet! They run around, they cluck and even after they're dead, they still look happy! Chickens all the way!"
Following the interview, Ronan returned to his long-term jogging spree, carrying his grandmother on his back to show fortitude to less physically able UL students.
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