Education candidate Paddy Rockett has described the well thought out, logical arguments of his rivals as "unhelpful" and "harmful to the democratic process".
Speaking from his high chair in Red Raisins canteen, the outgoing CSO condemned statements made by his main rival, Jacqueline Woods, as she attempted to explain how a deficit is created. Said Ms Woods: "A deficit is created when an organisation spends more money than it earns, and therefore has to borrow money to fund the difference. This, of course, leads to even greater liabilities."
"These comments are entirely inappropriate," Rockett fumed, "If the voters of this campus wanted 'logic' they could go to their lectures! This election is about bright colours, meaningless slogans and tight t-shirts on tolerably attractive girls! Jackie is just confusing the issues!"
Following this outburst, Rockett spilled the juice from his tippy cup, threw his Petit Filous across the room and banged his plastic spoon against the table, to bails of applause from besotted campaigners.
"Paddy is exactly what this university needs," said one campaigner, whom we are refusing to name on the grounds that he will definitely regret this statment later. "It's about time someone stood up to those people who think they can prove everything using logical arguments! Orange helium kumquat!" He added.
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