Outgoing ULSU President Derek Daly fled the country late last night on a steam ship heading for the South Seas. Daly was quoted yesterday as saying he simply couldn't live in a world where he wasn't president of the SU anymore.
"It's not easy leaving office," Daly told a huddled group of dishevelled former supporters by the dockside, "I've been in the SU so long, I've become part of the furniture. I stood still for ten minutes yesterday and a first year sat on me."
A visibly shaken Daly pulled his trench coat tightly around him, adjusted his trilby and mounted the gangplank on to the SS Broken Dreams. With one parting wave to tear-soaked supporters, Daly bid adieu to the cruel and unforgiving world of SU politics.
Daly's current whereabouts remain unknown but it is believed that he is finally pursuing his dream of establishing his own country on a piece of unspoilt earth somewhere on a distant island. There is significant evidence of this, as Daly is known to have taken his pencil, a small notebook, his entire collection of The West Wing and his poster of Eamonn O Cuiv.
A tearful Daly supporter had this to say: "I voted for Derek in 2009, I voted for Derek in 2010 and I voted for Derek in 2011 and now... I can't vote for him in 2012! What a world! What a travesty! Come back, Daly! All is forgiven!"
Daly's potential successors could not be reached for comment but it is suspected that they will be eyeing the route Daly has taken closely, especially as public opinion has the potential to turn sour. In related news, Adam Moursy has been spotted investigating chalets in rural Argentina.
Showing posts with label Derek Daly. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Derek Daly. Show all posts
Wednesday, 21 March 2012
Monday, 19 March 2012
Daly to bestow rings of power on successful sabbat candidates
Outgoing ULSU President Derek Daly has pledged to bestow three rings of power on the successful sabbatical candidates following the elections this week. The mysterious rings have long been thought to be the source of Daly's awesome powers.
"It is time to pass on these powerful talismans to a new generation," Daly said, "For many aeons my people have guarded the secret of the rings closely but now it is time for me, as the last of my kind, to bestow their great power on the next generation of sabbatical officers."
Derek Daly (his human name) arrived on Earth riding on the back of a crystalline meteorite that landed just outside Plassey House some time in late 1960s. After several years of experimentation in US government laboratories, Daly returned to UL to take up his rightful place as SU President and Keeper of the Rings of Power. But as his term as president draws to a close, Daly has chosen now to relinquish the rings.
Among the powers thought to originate from the rings is Daly's incredible gift of voter mesmerism, as well as his uncanny ability to avoid things sticking to him. It is also believed that the rings ward off dark wizards, though the presence of Klothos the Contemptible in the Education election would seem to contradict this.
When asked about the dangers of allowing the rings to fall into the wrong hands, Daly said: "UL students are smart enough to know not to vote for terrible candidates. After all, last year they voted for me and Paddy Rockett. What are the chances they'd vote for someone who is an obvious moron or dark wizard?"
Said Klothos: "Finally I will have access to the rings! With them in my possession, all will kneel before me! All will kneel!" The Adam Moursy campaign expressed similar sentiments.
"It is time to pass on these powerful talismans to a new generation," Daly said, "For many aeons my people have guarded the secret of the rings closely but now it is time for me, as the last of my kind, to bestow their great power on the next generation of sabbatical officers."
Derek Daly (his human name) arrived on Earth riding on the back of a crystalline meteorite that landed just outside Plassey House some time in late 1960s. After several years of experimentation in US government laboratories, Daly returned to UL to take up his rightful place as SU President and Keeper of the Rings of Power. But as his term as president draws to a close, Daly has chosen now to relinquish the rings.
Among the powers thought to originate from the rings is Daly's incredible gift of voter mesmerism, as well as his uncanny ability to avoid things sticking to him. It is also believed that the rings ward off dark wizards, though the presence of Klothos the Contemptible in the Education election would seem to contradict this.
When asked about the dangers of allowing the rings to fall into the wrong hands, Daly said: "UL students are smart enough to know not to vote for terrible candidates. After all, last year they voted for me and Paddy Rockett. What are the chances they'd vote for someone who is an obvious moron or dark wizard?"
Said Klothos: "Finally I will have access to the rings! With them in my possession, all will kneel before me! All will kneel!" The Adam Moursy campaign expressed similar sentiments.
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